Learn About Your Characters Through Their Complaints and Regrets

Many writers have a hard time acknowledging their characters’ dark sides. This can weaken their stories because so much—including character arcs—is built on flaws. When I’m teaching, It takes more than a gentle nudge to move writers toward spotting the imperfections. Usually, total immersion in the Seven Deadly Sins is required.

But here’s a gentler way: get the characters complaining. This is almost too easy for comic characters, But it’s only really difficult for the strong, silent types —the ones you can imagine Clint Eastwood playing. I think it works most times because writers like to complain and don’t feel especially guilty about it. Yes, there are a few Saints out there, but most people would look for opportunities to complain about lousy service at a restaurant. Or aggressive drivers. Or rude neighbors.

Obviously, it can be legitimate, even courageous, to bring notice to injustices or suggest ways systems can be improved or to stand up for people who are being oppressed. But, like gossip, telling a story to add to the toxicity of the world rather than to aid in creating positive change is usually a revealing vice. If the story pays you back because you let off steam or gain sympathy or get a moment of feeling superior, it’s probably just complaining and not done for noble reasons.

I remember my dad once saying, “You know, I’ve been offering critiques of these other drivers for over half my life, and they aren’t getting any better.”

That statement was both hilarious and insightful. Note - I have not personally benefited from that insight.

As a starting point, don’t worry about your characters. See if you can get yourself complaining with a few prompts. You might want to warm up by singing along to Gilbert and Sullivan’s politically incorrect, "I've Got a Little List."  (Warning: Here's an especially rude updated version. Watch at your own risk.)

Okay. You are looking for answers that are stories. Not just, I got root beer itnstead of cola. If there is a conversation or escalating interactions, you’re probably in the right place.

Has everyone taken their blood pressure medicine? Good.

    ▪    What’s the stupidest exchange you’ve had with a bureaucrat? This can be government, insurance, electric company… your choice.
    ▪    Which work (or club) activity was the worst waste of time?
    ▪    When were you appallingly disappointed? It’s likely to be something connected to leisure — seeing a movie, going on a date, joining a friend at his or her favorite dive. Recommendations that lead to bad experiences may be memorable.
    ▪    When were you not properly thanked? When you went out of your way, worked to make something perfect, or sacrificed your own joy and pleasure, only to be met by a shrug or a quibble?
    ▪    When were you not justly rewarded? No raise or bonus or recognition for exceptional work?
    ▪    When were you disproportionally punished or singled out for no reason? Given the lousy task? Stuck with the unpleasant duty or person?
    ▪    When did cruel fate afflict you? When did luck fail you? When was something wonderful missed that would have been possible if someone else had made the slightest effort?

I have a much longer list, but I hope one of these jogged a memory that really mattered. And that you captured the whole experience for analysis.

If you got emotionally involved, that’s good. Something is there. Especially if your suffering was not life changing. The more trivial, the better. Because these are the sorts of things that reveal a dark side, something that may be difficult to admit to. If “honor” is involved, in may be almost impossible.

If it doesn’t seem like your answers offer much, even after some time has passed, start keeping track of your complicated complaints (as above, conversations and multiple interactions). Write them down as if told to a friend who’s willing to put up with your worst whinging. Then give it some time and see if there are lessons about flaws you might have. Chances are better with captured complaints than remembered complaints because these are likely to be easier to see objectively over time. Memories can weave themselves into who you are.

Here’s when things get good. If you can do this for yourself, you can probably take questions like those above and get to the truth with your characters. That offers the possibility of raising the quality of your stories dramatically.

But what about Clint Eastwood? Grunts and single word answers don’t offer much. For these stoic folks, it’s better to pursue regrets than complaints. Regrets often are part of the same cloth, but include a level of accountability. And that ownership and acceptance is why the strong, silent types, flawed though they are, provide some of the best loved heroes.