Story Conflicts 1 - Characters Argue

You’re at a restaurant and an argument erupts at the next table. Something about going down to work on Mabel’s house. Again. 

You lean in, hoping to figure out what’s driving the disagreement. Why it matters to both parties. Any context that allows you to take a side. Mabel can hire someone. She has plenty of money. Mabel carved the best pumpkins. She takes you away from your own family. She’s lonely. Is that wrong? She pissed off half the town when she fenced off the pond. Etc. Etc.

Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who’s playing fair?

Who’s winning? Who’s losing? Maybe they’ll say more about the pumpkins.

Conflict is central to storytelling. It’s dramatic. And family arguments are both familiar territory and wonderfully disorganized (from a writer’s point of view).

Organized arguments, like courtroom scenes, have their place. But they tend to be reserved and predictable. They usually turn on evidence. They are as much puzzles as dramas. The emotion often comes from the stakes (which is why criminal cases far outnumber civil cases in storytelling).

But family fights? They are pure gold when it comes to emotion. Those involved know each other. They have a relationship. So whatever the issue is, the bond between the characters is being tested.

This is true beyond families, of course. Friends, business partners, clubs, neighbors, and church groups often argue without rules, facing off against people they have to live with. For any conflict that is within a group, the stakes can rise to the value of the interpersonal connection… even as the content of the fight is in contention.

Why do people argue?

• To persuade. Hasten or compel a decision or action. Prevent or delay a decision or action. Convince.
• To shift or express power.
• To negotiate.
• To win.
• To explain themselves.
• To impress, charm, or gain confidence.
• To inflict pain.
• To play (e.g., play devil’s advocate).
• To explore a subject with someone who is intelligent or has a different point of view.

I’ve listed these as they came to mind, but they don’t all have the same dramatic potential. Since your ranking is likely to be different from mine, I recommended organizing this list in your own way. Chances are, as you do so, you’ll start to imagine examples, and these might be valuable in a current or future fight.
 
And how do they fight?

• Some people use evidence and build a case. They fight fairly.
• Others use stories, examples, and anecdotes.
• Some make claims they feel are probably right or they sort of remember, maybe from a Web page.
• Some exaggerate, tell half truths, or lie.
• Some listen to and weigh every point from the opposition, others never listen.
• Some jump from topic to topic.
• Some spew out talking points they can’t defend or explain.
• Some ask questions to understand or clarify.
• Some ask questions to mislead or entrap.
• Some watch for and attack any weakness, whether in a flawed point or in the opponent’s certainty or strength.
• Some win by using raw power or threatening.
• Some distract or charm.
• Some are impromptu, while others argue systematically.
• Some need to win at any cost, while others look for compromise or concede when the stakes rise too high.
• Some erupt with words and interrupt.
• Some invade space, use silence, make faces, glare, or cross their arms.

This is not a comprehensive list. One of the most interesting things to do is to mix it up, with fair and unfair techniques from both sides. There are good examples of argument ploys and useful articles online. I like (for story) The 8 Worst Things You Can Do During An Argument With Your Partner. Here’s another one that might provide some more ideas.  For story (and I hope not real life), some good practices can be reversed as well as included.

So, your palette of colors to mix and compare — a dab of relationship (sibling rivalry) , a touch of contention (whose turn it is to drive the car), and a smidgen of technique (shaming)  — can lead to an infinite number of variations.

But not necessarily interesting. A productive argument, one which leads to a resolution, is interesting if it has stakes we care about. Bickering has to work at being interesting in drama (although it can be wonderful in humor) because it doesn’t go anywhere. There are also what couples therapist Sue Johnson calls “Demon Dialogues” (which are not limited to couples) that need to be handled with care in stories. They may be revealing once, but, when they are repeated, tend not to be fresh.  

Some ways to keep arguments interesting.

• Surprise. Unexpected points, revelations, and secrets told can all defy expectations.
• Reactions. How people respond emotionally and physically move arguments beyond words.
• Distractions. These may occur as a ploy, but also can come from something outside, like a phone call. They can reset and shift power.
• Beats. Both characters want something. Unless the idea is to crush one character, taking turns in holding the power position (for the relationship or the point of contention) adds drama.
• Humor. This can be a ploy, comic relief (before something crushing), or an expression of character. Truths may be state in jest. And, of course, the whole argument can be funny. Like this. 
  
• Escalation. Make things more intense and more interesting with each exchange. The stakes can crank up, the chances of someone losing can increase, the emotions can become more extreme, or the relationship can be closer to the breaking point.
• Place, moments, and witnesses. There are some horrible times to get into an argument. Before appearing together in public. During a moment of danger. When one person has already suffered a great loss. When someone is exhausted. When there are witnesses (from strangers to vulnerable children). Of course, these are horrible from the points of view of the characters, not the audience.

Sometimes a winning isn't winning because it's only a battle in the war. Sometimes the loss leads to the other participant falling into a trap. Sometimes there is an intentional loss that the gambit. That may be used later as a chit.

In stories, there may be must win arguments that are worth destroying the relationship. A good argument will include beats (power shifts) and escalation in stakes and intensity. There may be moments for emotion, including diffusing the worst circumstances with humor. The strategies the different characters use may tell you about what they value and just how far they'll go to win. Deceit may be part of it. Place for sympathy maybe part of it. Threats, unrelated to the topic at hand, may pop up. Many people also use distraction or change the subject.

Who's on first? Is an argument. As are many humorous exchanges. Arguments are aimed at someone. There is no ambiguity about who the words are for (although there may be confusion about the true identity of one of the characters). As opposed to formal arguments, people tend to argue in their own voices, with few references to quotes or attempts to use an unfamiliar idiom.

An argument in a story almost always touches upon its theme. And it immediately becomes an emotional moment. And emotional moments drive great stories.