Agents, editors, and readers do you need to be drawn in by a story's initial sentence, but not the draft version. The draft version just has to get you, as a writer, started. I think of it as the tool that cracks the door open so you can enter a new world. Now, if you already have a starting point and the words are flowing as soon as you sit down, go ahead and use a battering ram. Don't worry about the suggestions below. Just write.
But if bits of the story are floating around in your brain and it's just getting started that's the problem, getting a good enough sentence – for you – is fine. Objectively, you're even allowed to write a bad sentence. You have my permission. It can be fixed in the rewrite.
I actually went through the first sentence exercise recently for a story I'm writing about people in an assisted living facility who have computer access taken away after one of them falls for an Internet scam. I'll use the sentences that came up (and sometimes the words that followed right away) as examples here.
⁃ What your character sees and why it matters. If you can see something that catches a character’s interest and bring meaning to it, the is likely to lead to more… Coins and dollar signs floated across Gus’s iPad screen. They twisted and danced to the clink of coins tuned to one enticing song: greed.
⁃ Some piece in your head is already creating a strong emotion (for the character or for you). This is often a reaction to something that just happened but isn’t described, a response that is deep and visceral. For instance, it may be a moment of wonder or of sense of injustice… It was an amputation: His phone and iPad and the computer power cord seized as he sat helplessly looking on.
⁃ A telling quote (and note that it does not need to have subtext). When characters speak, they do so for a reason. Usually, it’s to get something or to change someone’s behavior. That’s powerful. While on-the-nose dialogue probably shouldn’t appear in the final version, it is acceptable (even valuable) here in a draft… “From now on, we can’t permit unsupervised computer time.”
⁃ A character doing something visual. Characters in action define themselves and usually create images that include setting. Other characters might show themselves, too, giving you a lot to work with… As Gus clung to his iPad, struggling to stop Nurse Daniels from seizing it, Betsy rolled her wheelchair behind them — to the cart, to her phone, to the only connection she had with Nina.
⁃ A character’s deep realization. If you already have a strong reason for writing the story or the theme is vivid, this can be great. If not, this might challenge your muse to provide real treasure… With her phone locked away, Betsy knew she would not be there when Nina called, perhaps for the last time, crying, cursing, and gasping for breath.
⁃ Reader orientation. This is classic, establishing the time and space. And including the props needed to play out the scene. And all of these can help you get immersed in your story, bit by bit… The recreation room, its four round worktables set with paper and crayons and flooded with afternoon sunshine, was filling up with high-end carbon fiber wheelchairs pressed forward by the elders who rolled them in.
⁃ A sentence that raises a key question. This can be something that needs further explanation, sucking you further into the story. Or it can be a statement of principles or ideas that imply more… If a man who had served his country, buried his wife, raised four children and gotten them through college, and put aside enough for retirement could not buy a mint,1936 buffalo nickel was he still a free man — or just waiting to die?
⁃ A reversal of expectations. I like this one a lot. When cold facts or a familiar experience suggest a conclusion, and the opposite closes the sentence, interest is created. It’s a great way to flow into more explanation or illustration… Elderly people lose three billion dollars a year to scam artists because they are confused or scared… or having the time of their lives.
⁃ A description of a striking image. This can be poetic, and usually is. Something is rendered, usually visually, in a specific way. When done well, it gives readers confidence that they are in good hands. And, in a draft, a halfway decent image can give you as a writer the feeling that this story is going to work… Uncle Henry tossed little Gus a shiny buffalo nickel — Liberty, 1936, with a D from the Denver mint.
Note: Nine approaches are listed, but there's nothing canonical about these. You can add to this list as much as you want. And, if you come to this post as an exercise, don't feel like you need to create first sentences to match each example. In all probability, by the time you get to your third or fourth sentence, the door will be cracked open, and you can get down to the business of storytelling.
Of course, first sentences don't need to just be first sentences for the whole work. They can be first sentences for chapters or scenes. Also, my experience in creating a lot of first sentences using different approaches is that the exploration itself tells me more than I knew about the story and its characters. I did this for one story, and I found myself using what I've learned to put together a complete outline in about an hour. That was a nice additional pay off for the work I've done.
Once you're well into storytelling, it won't matter which sentence opened the door. Once you see what you have, some of the ways to make it work better in revision will be obvious. One of these, may be cutting the sentence or even the first pages. Beginning a draft with a perfect first sentence really, really, really isn't necessary. So don't let that get in your way.
I think one reason people get stuck on first sentences – and in other parts of the stories, such as ending scenes – is because of a lack of confidence in in their rewriting skills. So next week, I'll explore building confidence in revision.
This week, a bonus blog entry to promote my SavvyAuthors class...
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